TAKING CARE OF A LOVED ONE - PART TWO

Yesterday I wrote partially on a more personal note. Today’s post deals with things that everyone should be thinking about. Sorry there’s no Foodie Friday this week. It will return next week.

No one wants to acknowledge that they are going to die but let's face it. Death is the ultimate act of life. It happens and as of today there really is no way to avoid it in the end.

The following are items that one really needs to deal with while a person is still capable of making decisions on their own. You the reader should be doing all this for yourself and you should also be talking with your loved ones about doing all of these for themselves as well. 

1.       HEALTHCARE PROXY:  If the patient has a healthcare proxy and it is not you, know who it is and how to reach them. If there is no healthcare proxy find out from your local hospital or an attorney what is involved and make arrangements. (Some states also list a sample or official form on their websites which can make your life easier.) A healthcare proxy is both a legal document (sometimes known as a durable power-of-attorney for health care) that appoints someone to make healthcare decisions if the patient is incapable of doing so or should the patient choose not to do so as well as the term used for the person who is that agent. The document does not remove the rights of the patient to make his/her own decisions rather it ensures that in case something happens and the patient is not capable of doing so that someone will be able to act on their behalf. In many cases it can save a lot of time when communicating with healthcare professionals. It is important that a copy of the healthcare proxy document be filed with the patient’s local hospital as well as with any medical professionals the patient sees on a regular basis. One can have a primary and secondary person designated as a Healthcare Proxy (HCP) in the document in case the primary is not available.

2.     Advance Directives:  This document is meant to ensure that if you are too ill or hurt to tell people your wishes that they will be followed. It is a legal document that deals with end-of-life care ahead of time. The big plus with this document is that if a decision is made in accordance with the directives (also sometimes known as a “living will”) then no one can sue because the patient died or became totally incapacitated. It can address a number of issues including tube feeding, organ donation, tissue donation, autopsy, the use of artificial means of keeping one alive like breathing machines and what to do if breathing stops. If a person has advanced directives and needs a surgical procedure it is extremely important that they make a decision as to whether or not they want to suspend it temporarily during the surgery.

3.     WILL: A will is something that everyone should really have. If something happens to you – either in a medical situation or by accident – then at least your possessions and money (if you have any) will be distributed the way you want them to be and by the person you want to handle it all. A will also prevents people from just helping themselves to your stuff – and this can happen – and thereby gives your estate and executor legal recourse. Believe me – some people will just take what they think they are entitled to.

4.     FUNERAL ARRANGEMENTS: Here in the States it is possible to prepay a funeral. This is an annuity that ensures your funeral (or the disposal of your body) will be done in accordance with your wishes. Because it is an annuity, you are protected over time if the price of a funeral goes up. The contract also will specify exactly what you desire. So when Uncle X shows up and insists on a bigger and better coffin or ceremony or a burial when you chose cremation his hands are tied. This is extremely important for a number of reasons. First the funeral is planned while the deceased-to-be is still alive so he/she has input. Secondly the financial aspect of the funeral is done.  (You can even prepay your own memorial stone if you want.) This is good because when people have to deal with burying their loved ones it is a very emotional time and they are vulnerable. Unfortunately funerals are, in part, a sales event and some (not all) funeral parlors will try to upsell the bereaved to a better casket, bigger services, etc. Prepaying does away with not only that but also any family arguments that may arise because someone isn’t happy with the way things are being handled.

Other things that need to be investigated (and that can vary from state to state include looking into inheritance taxes if the person’s assets are numerous as well as property transfers and how they are affected by state and federal assistance programs.

An example would be if a person transfers a car to a family member or friend and then within a year or two has gotten so sick that they have gone through all of their assets – will any government entity or nursing home be able to claim that car thereby reversing the person’s intent?


A consultation with a lawyer who specializes in elders and/or a certified public accountant might be in order to find out these answers and for suggestions on some other paths to take.

Once done, family members and close friends should be informed exactly what has happened and who is “in charge” where necessary. This way if there are any objections they can be dealt with at that point. Believe it or not – there will be hurt feelings. And a family member is NOT always the best choice to be a HCP or executor of an estate. Think about it – how would you feel if you had to make a life-and-death decision for a loved one? Another thing to remember is, if the patient is admitted to an ER or hospital that is a teaching hospital, that an overzealous resident may sometimes try to convince the Healthcare Proxy to go against the wishes of the patient. So the HCP has to also be someone who is strong enough to respect and fight for the wishes/desires of the patient.

I hope that these two articles have been of use to people. Let me know.